Where The Hell Have I Been?

So where the hell have I been? Well let’s go back to the first week of January. You guys are all aware of what is going on with my sister. Like I last mentioned, everyday gets harder. Week by week she gets less responsive and it truly rips my heart apart. 

The good news is, is that she is still here. Still smiling and still laughing. Still enjoying all of her favorite foods, and spending time with family. And still absolutely no pain.❤️  

THEN simultaneously as I’m dealing with the emotions of my sister…My home, Santa Cruz, had been taking a beating for the past few weeks. Santa Cruz is my heart and soul. Witnessing all of the devastation take place, forever changing the landscape of the West Coast…Atmospheric rivers and high tide eating away chunks of land…Homes and businesses washing away in the ocean, flooding, the pier being broken in half, and beaches left covered in debris. And nobody knew what more was to come. What would another few storms do??

I started to go numb. I didn’t know if my favorite places on this earth would still be intact when I went back home. I didn’t know if my home would be damaged. I didn’t know when I would even be able to drive up 17 again since so many god damn land slides, fallen trees, and sink holes were being discovered day by day. And the constant rain and gloomy weather made it all worse.

And when I thought it possibly couldn’t get any worse, the Universe really said, “Grand Finale my dear.”

Someone got Covid and it unfortunately spread like wildfire between my family. One by one it took all of us out. Not only was it our first time ever even getting Covid, but more importantly, we were worried about Maki. We could not risk her getting sick… Which meant I could not see her or take care of her until I was better. Along with my mom, dad, and younger brother. 

So what the hell were we going to do now?? Where is she going to stay? Who is going to take care of her? To say I had been going through it, was an understatement. For a moment, I felt helpless. I felt beat down, again and again. And I thought to myself, “Why me?”

In that moment, I realized I allowed myself to become a victim. A victim to life circumstances. A victim of my own thought patterns. When things like this happen, it’s hard not to take it personally. But I knew I was not a victim. Everybody has shit that happens to them, everybody. It’s just how they handle it and how they move forward that matters.

Typically when I have no control over my circumstances, I just allow things to unfolds as they are naturally supposed to. But it was harder this time. Obviously. So I put my hands up. Full surrender. The truth is sometimes all you need to do is let go of control. And be okay with that. Allow and let it flow. Let go of thinking worst case scenarios. Let go of the stress and worry. Remind yourself that whatever is meant to be, will be. Let go of the grasp of being in charge. The grasp of “knowing” what the future will hold. Surrender. Trust. Believe that everything will work out. Trust that there is a higher power guiding you. Universally supported. Even when it seems like all odds are against you. “BUT HOW??” Well if you don’t, the Universe will force you. I was forced. But I let go. And everything worked out. Just fine. Everything was taken care of. And all the time I spent worrying, was now just wasted time.

Thank god for Tony and his family. Tony’s family had an extra place that Maki was able to be moved to and be taken care of there. Thankfully, Tony, my older brother, and Maki did not get Covid.👏🏼 But they had to manage taking care of her while still working full time corporate jobs, both of which they have to work in office. A stressful situation to say the least. It wasn’t a situation where we could just ask a friend to take care of her. Maki is under very specific care. She can’t stand, walk, or support herself at all. She has to be helped with eating, going to the bathroom, and it takes 2-3 people just to move her. It ain’t easy. But everything worked out.

We are all recovered now, and Maki is back at home. Maki actually really enjoyed her little getaway and change of pace. And I’m glad she was able to experience that. 

The past few weeks have been highly introspective. We started the new year with Mercury, Mars, and Uranus in retrograde. If you felt no energy to move forward, unmotivated, or experienced some sort of a slow down…you were not alone. We were all universally effected in one way or another. But all retrogrades are, are times of reflection, reorganizing, rethinking, and redirection. And that’s exactly what took place. Thankfully, Mars and Mercury just went direct within the past week. And Uranus is stationing direct tomorrow, on Lunar New Year (1/22/23). Along with the Super New Moon in Aquarius tonight. The energy will slowly pick up speed and move forward for the next few months. Time to start planning, getting really clear about your intentions, and envision your future. LIFE has just begun✨ I was not surprised to see the sun begin to start coming out of hiding after almost 30 days, as Mercury was about to station direct. 

P.s. thank you so much to everybody who has checked up on us over the past few weeks. We REALLY appreciate all of your love and support. But I want to be honest, these past few weeks have really taken everything out of me, and I am still energetically recovering. I receive countless messages on a daily basis (which I love and appreciate), but it is nearly impossible to respond to them all everyday. Please do not take it personally if I do not respond. I simply cannot keep up with the hundreds of individual messages any longer. Please keep an eye out for my posts and updates on here/IG. Thank you all so much for understanding, and thank you again for all your continued love.❤️