The Ugly Truth About Cancer

The parts that most people don’t really put too much thought into or even realize takes place. 

When you hear the words chemotherapy, you imagine what it looks like- but actually seeing your loved one hooked up to a machine brings it to a whole other level. 

Every 3 weeks, my sister has to get an infusion called Avastin. (Avastin is used with chemotherapy and hits your cancer from another angle. Avastin is a tumor-starving (anti-angiogenic) therapy. The purpose of Avastin is to prevent the growth of new blood vessels.)

The day before each infusion, they require her to get a blood test to check her white blood cells. So many appointments, so many different times being pried and poked with a needle. Due to COVID-19, I was never allowed to accompany her during these treatments. The thought that she had to go through this alone for so many months makes me so sad.  This was actually the first time they allowed her to have a visitor. Seeing her hooked up to that machine for the first time completely broke my heart. It truly shattered every thought and image I ever had in my mind. The ugly truth is that it hurts so much more than you could ever imagine. Seeing someone that you love and care about so damn much going through this is an incomparable pain. 

Two more things that people don’t talk about – Advanced Directives and filling out a Will. I absolutely lost it while I sat there as she read questions such as, “As I’m nearing my death, I want my loved ones to know I would appreciate having the following (prayers, rituals, music) and where I prefer to die:” My heart shattered once again. 

You can’t help but wonder why? Why her? She worked so hard her whole life. After her first occurrence of GBM in 2015, she pushed through nursing school while on chemotherapy and then graduated! She was working as an RN for the past few years and was starting to build her life back together again after her second recurrence in September 2020. 

She’s been doing everything she possibly can. Trying to stay positive, eat more nutritious food, trying to meditate, and calm her mind. Affirmations. Everything. But there is only so much one person can possibly do while under constant stress and worry.

It has been 7 weeks since we got the news that her stage 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer has come back. Tomorrow morning will be her 1st MRI since then. 6 weeks since she started her new chemotherapy. You could imagine the amount of stress and anxiety that has been building up since then. 

Even through all of the hardships and sadness, I have this unwavering sense of hope that she can somehow heal herself from this. That somehow, something can be done. To put up a fight and beat the odds with the power of intention. I truly believe that Maki is a miracle and is here for a greater purpose than she may even realize. This is her 3rd recurrence. She will beat this, so she can tell her story. To give hope and courage to all those that are suffering. To show the world that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. After all, she did do it twice before.

Maki is the strongest person I have ever met and I’m standing by her side every step of the way. We are NOT giving up, we are putting up a fight!!

If you have made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Please send love, a prayer, positive energy, or even just a thought to my sister. It makes more of a difference than you may realize. 

Maki: 2

GBM: 0