I never knew something could hurt this much. Last Friday (2/3/23) was the first day Maki did not say a word the whole day. Her last words to me on Thursday were, “love you.” I wasn’t sure if she would ever speak again. But if she didn’t, I was grateful that that was our last exchange. I held her hand the entire day.
On Sunday night my dad called me and said that he could not come on Monday because of work. I told him it was okay because I would be there all day to take care of her.
Monday morning when I woke Maki up, she was full of smiles. She was so happy to see me. I surprised her with her daily fresh flowers and matcha. While we enjoyed our drinks together, my dad unexpectedly stopped by to drop us off some sushi! While he was there she actually spoke! She said “daijoubu,” which means, “I’m ok” in Japanese. And when he said goodbye, she even said bye. It was a wonderful morning. I fed her the sushi. She ate every last bite, only a few grains of rice remained on the plate. Then she had a very bad seizure that lasted about 5 hours. Her nurse and Tony came immediately. It was not good.
The nurse said that she doesn’t have much longer and she may never wake up ever again. She has been asleep ever since. It was the scariest and most heart breaking thing to experience in my whole life. I wasn’t sure if she would pass while my mom and I held her as she was seizing.
We all knew this moment would eventually come but Jesus Christ it doesn’t make it any easier. I know she can still hear us so we’ve all been showering her with all the love we have for her.
I know it was in divine timing though. The unexpected visit from my dad. Eating sushi for her last meal. I was only planning on making a bagel for breakfast because I had so many great meals planned for lunch and dinner. Being able to say that she was ok and bye to my dad. And me being able to give her flowers that morning. Her smiles. Her last words to me.
One thing for sure is that she is surrounded by so much love. My whole family. She looks very peaceful now. Even though this is the shittiest situation ever, it could have been a lot worse. I’m just so damn grateful that she is comfortable at home, with her family, rather than stuck in a hospital. I spend every second I have with her.
When she was first put on Hospice in the beginning of November, the nurse said we would likely need to start the pain medication the following week. That wasn’t the case at all. She had absolutely no pain until this day. Living past her prognosis once again. She is a fighter. She is a god damn warrior. And I’m cherishing every last minute I have left with my baby girl. 💔
Prayers and love for Maki and your whole family. Words seem so inadequate now but know constant positive thoughts and wishes for a positive transition for Maki are being sent. You all are so amazing, loving and strong.
I am touched by the beautiful relationship you have with your sister, and I am sending my sincerest prayers to your family. Your bond with your Maki, and how you have lift her spirits through her journey, is just incredibly sweet and beautiful. You and Maki embody the definition of sisterhood. I have a son, and two daughters, and it is my wish that when they grow up, they will always be present and supportive of each other regardless of the hardships of life, just like how you have been Maki’s rock.
Maki’s story is one of true inspiration. Thank you for sharing the updates. I hope you and your family can be strong for each other.
I have fallen in love with Maki throughout this journey the past few months. I wish you all much peace and love during this awfully difficult time. Sending big hugs!